Lonely

I’m lonely.

I’m immobilized by this… yet I keep being all by myself, so I go to the internet and see if my friends are on, and they aren’t… and then I go to work and its empty, even when there are customers they’re gone after just a little bit.

The bunny helps some, and so does Nami and counciling sessions, but they don’t make it go away, neither does gaming or being on the computer.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been sleeping so much lately. It doesn’t make the loneliness go away, but it makes m4e unaware of it for the amount I sleep. .

I don’t make friends at work, I don’t know why. I wish I was the kind of person that had people’s phone numbers and could go and hang out with them on random nights… but that’s just not me.

Even attempts to hang out with friends I do have get wrecked, because of bad communication on my part… I was supposed to go out to dinner with Judy on Thursday, ahe texted me that it wouldn’t work, and when I called her back I left her as voice mail but then missed her call back… so we didn’t end up doing lunch on fridayu afternoon instead. I just suck this way I guess.

Tanya said something about thinking aboutwhat I’m passionate about. I really don’t know any more. I used tyo be passionate about so many things, byut now I just feel dead in the water…. sure there are things I knew I used to like to do… but now… I hardly can do anything… I think the depression is slipping back that way. I don’t even enjoy gaming as much as I used to.

I try to be happy, because I know I have people that care about me,. but they are all so far away or unavailible….

I need to talk toTina about this when I see her on the 6th, maybe the medication isn’t working as well as we thought it was. I just…. feel like crying all of the time most of the time now when I think about these things. I don’t want to feel so broken, but I jsut don’t know how to fix it.

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