I am thinking about looking for a therapist again. Mainly because reaching out is a long ass process and I need someone to talk to right now.
Everyone I am networked with right now isn’t quite right for what I feel I need to say. So this is what I need:
Someone who doesn’t take everything I say as a complaint or something I am worried about. (Or as something they need to worry about; over all I am so much better then I have been in such a long time. I need someone that understands this.)
Someone who doesn’t try to turn the conversation right back to themselves right away unless it is a related experience that they learned something from. (In addition I need people to understand when I respond to something I say with an experience I had I don’t say it to imply that I had it worse, I am just trying to show I empathize.)
I need someone who isn’t so busy that they forget I texted, left a voice mail, emailed, left a message on facebook… Whatever I tried to do to reach out. I need to have someone who responds. I need to feel like I and my thoughts and feelings matter. If you are busy when I text and you feel like responding with something at all just tell me when would be better. Don’t respond once like you want to talk with me and then stop.
I need someone who likes me enough that when I am talking about something I enjoy that they listen and ask questions even if what I am talking about doesn’t make sense. I am sick of ending conversations with the feeling that because a friend doesn’t understand something they aren’t going to try and the thing I am interested in isn’t worth the salt in the sweat of the people who like it.
If I do something wrong tell me tactically. But be ready for me to try to tell you why I was doing it that way so you can then teach me a different way to think.
If I am rambling about something you have no interest in, fucking tell me.
If our opinions differ let’s discuss civilly so we understand each other and then know to avoid the topic if we can’t come to a middle ground.
Don’t be offended when I try to come up with ideas to help you. And don’t ignore them either. If you don’t like it, tell me why. If you don’t think it will work tell me why. I only share my thoughts I come up for you because I care about you, not because I want to change you.
If you don’t have time to look at something I sent you and its not mine fine. If its something I have been working on tell me so. It just hurts when I send you something of mine and you never say anything about it later or when I ask. If you aren’t interested just tell me so I stop hurting myself by showing you parts of my soul. Because that’s what a lot of the things I put together are. Parts of me woven into something I am trying to make beautiful.
If I say something you don’t understand tell me. I can usually figure out six otherways to explain. Just don’t pretendto understand and then break my heart later.
It might hurt a little for you to tell me up front something you don’t like, but it will hurt a lot less then to do so after I am invested.
These things are of course alot to ask for from a person. So that’s why I think I might have to get a therapist. Because at least a fucking therapist will tell me when my thinking needs adjusting and not start ignoring me.