Rebalance

I am more tired then I knew, but suddenly aware that the energy I had needs to refill. I reach out to air. There is silence.

My mind knows the reason but I am too tired to think, shield, filter. Instead of relaxing to refill, I end up in a flurry. Raw emotion and doubt take the place of logic. I become vulnerable.

Did I push too fast?
Did I ask too much?
Were those feelings not as mutual as I convinced myself they were?

As smart as I am, as much as I feel, if I lose my balance I am quickly my own worst enemy. My mute button is broken and I can’t turn down the volume.

I focus to much on what I think I want, lost track of what I need and deserve.

Last night I cried my eyes grew sore. No wisdom to find in the words of a trusted friend, totally on my own.

I want to scream but I let it fade to silence.

I feel raw. I doubt that the words could serve.

Am I wrong that the trivia doesn’t matter? What data am I missing?

I dare to hope I am over interpreting. I know you are tired too, know enough to guess. But the silence is deafening, and my eyes hurt too much to interpret the vacuum.

Here then.  I close my spigot and refill my spirit.  Suddenly my eyes are soothed and I am alert.

I rebalance. I come back to center. I shift my focus, but I will return to it. Don’t you dare think you can escape my gravity without a word.

My adamant crystal core remains intact. I will sit quietly in the sun and recharge. I will be working, but my thoughts will flit to my hopes.

I wait, but I will not be idle.

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